Why Boundaries Are Especially Challenging During the Holidays
The holidays often mean extended time with family, heightened emotions, and lingering triggers from the past. It’s a season where societal and familial expectations collide with our personal needs, leaving us feeling stretched thin. For many of us, family gatherings also bring up differences in values, beliefs, and personalities that can feel hard to reconcile. And let’s be honest—in today’s political environment, it’s easy to find yourself in polarizing, uncomfortable conversations.
I know this struggle intimately. My brother and I sit on opposite ends of the spectrum when it comes to social, political, and environmental beliefs. Directly engaging in a relationship with him can feel painful, and yet, severing ties isn’t an option for me. It would create a ripple effect that would impact our mom, who would be devastated, and distance me from my niece and nephew. So, I’ve had to find ways to hold my boundaries while remaining present in a way that feels manageable for me.
Identifying When Boundaries Are Being Crossed
Boundaries are personal and often subtle. Here are some signs that someone may be crossing yours:
You feel a tightening in your chest, jaw, or stomach.
You notice anger, frustration, or resentment building.
You feel compelled to over-explain or justify yourself.
You’re emotionally drained after the interaction.
Loving Detachment: Holding Space Without Absorbing
Detachment doesn’t mean shutting people out; it means not absorbing their emotions or behavior. Here’s how I’ve navigated this with my brother:
Focus on the Neutral: I channel my energy into interactions with my niece and nephew or engage with my dog, Ayla, who offers both emotional support and a helpful buffer.
Walk Away When Necessary: If the conversation turns polarizing, I’ll actively get up and walk away. It’s a small, powerful act that allows me to disengage before I become reactive.
Stay in the Present: Before family events, I do centering activities like a short meditation, breathwork, or listing out things I’m grateful for about my family. This practice helps me stay grounded and approach gatherings with a more open heart.
Tools for Boundary Setting During the Holidays
Here are some actionable tools to help you stay grounded and protect your energy:
Plant Medicine Support
I’ve found hemp derived products to be a calming ally during the holidays. My current favorite is Heti, a low-dose THC & CBD beverage.
Set an “Out” Time
Know your limits. If your max tolerance for family time is three hours, plan to leave before you reach your breaking point. Communicate your “out” time clearly and stick to it.
Avoid High-Trigger Topics
Steer clear of conversations that you know will escalate quickly. Redirect discussions to lighter, shared interests or focus on activities that don’t require deep engagement, like playing with the kids or helping in the kitchen.
Create your own Pre-Event Ritual
Engage in grounding practices before gatherings, such as:
A 5-minute breathwork session.
Visualization of a positive outcome for the event.
Writing down three things you love about your family.
The Capacity Created by Boundaries
When you hold firm boundaries, you create space for peace, clarity, and deeper connection. You’re no longer reacting to every emotional jab or exhausting yourself by trying to meet everyone’s expectations. Instead, you reclaim your energy for what truly matters—whether that’s connecting with loved ones on your own terms, enjoying the moments that bring you joy, or simply leaving with your sense of self intact.
For me, this has meant shifting my focus from trying to “fix” or bridge the gap in my relationship with my brother to showing up in ways that feel healthy and sustainable for me. By prioritizing my mental health, I’ve been able to maintain the relationships that matter most while protecting my peace.
Remember: You Are Not Alone
If the holidays feel heavy, know you’re not alone. Boundary-setting isn’t easy, but it’s a practice that can transform how you engage with family and yourself. With the right tools, support, and mindset, you can navigate this season with greater ease and self-compassion.
With hope for your joyous Holiday Season,
Kate
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